Hi Trevor, this isn't really working for me. Partly perhaps it's that I don't understand the "why" of the poem. Is it about wildebeest being eaten by crocodiles, or something else? It seems to me to be the former, but I'm not sure why it needs to be a poem in that case.
I also felt that it was overwritten in some places. Maybe that's not the right word, but there are an awful lot of adjectives, not all of which seem necessary. "Hideous Hades," "weary hope," etc. I'm not sure what "imploring the other's fatigue" means. I agree with Jayne about the repetition of "lumpy."
That said, there are things I like - the crocodile's "cobblestone back" is great, for instance, as is "the lateral gravity of the river," "a riot of water." It's just not working for me as a whole right now.
|