Hi Bill,
It's intriguing, and has some nice phrases, but it feels very underdeveloped to me. I'd like more detail, more of a sense of what you're trying to get out of this poem. Maybe that's just me; it might be clearer to others.
Some comments below. Best of luck with this.
Trevor
Q & A
Of course. It was that shameful composite [Maybe delete "of course"?]
of being young and absurdly sad on [I like the idea/tone in the first two lines. It's a nice opening]
a day my class filed to the library. [Any more interesting word then "filed"?]
I asked, and reaching to a place saved just ["for me" here instead"]
for me, the pretty librarian gave [anything more specific than pretty? A certain hairstyle? Glasses? Something she's wearing?]
me hours to spend with a ponderous ["copy" here]
copy of the “The Birds of America”.
That's when the old disturbance began, that
unsorted impossible trinity:
the beautiful became alive and dead. [I want to hear more about this old disturbance, this impossible trinity. Things are just starting to get interesting...]
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