[Jayne Osborn]

Revision 4: L13 changed from:
But every time he really makes me laugh,
to: but he knows how to really make me laugh.

Revision 3: L1 & 2 changed from:
"referred to" to "averred that".

A famous Royal personage averred
that “In this marriage there’s not two, but three.”
That’s how we are; from time to time a third
incumbent shows herself. She’s not like me.
In fact, we couldn’t be more different!
She’s miserable and cries an awful lot;
where I am placid, she’s belligerent,
and I’m the happy, loving one – she’s not.

My husband always brings me tea in bed,
and asks me (with a grin), if I know which
of his two wives I am today. I dread
the odd times that I’m ‘down’ and like a bitch,
but he knows how to really make me laugh.
We’re two once more – and he’s my better half.

Revision 2 was a complete re-write.

Revision 1:

Speaking about his other wife (not me),
he loves us both, but doesn’t like her much;
he wants to kick that bad one into touch
(and no, it’s not a case of bigamy).
I'd like to rid myself of her as well.
It’s not quite fair, though – she’s not really ‘bad’,
but when she's not around, we’re both so glad,
because, at times, she makes our homelife hell.

We don’t see much of her, just now and then,
but when she's here, she’s miserable and cries
an awful lot. My husband always tries
to make her laugh, and be like me again.
We don't know how this works; it simply does,
for which we're really thankful... just because.

Original:

My husband has another wife, and me.
He loves us both, but doesn’t like one much;
he wants to kick the bad one into touch
(and no, it’s not a case of bigamy).
I wish to rid myself of her as well.
It’s not quite fair, though – she’s not really ‘bad’,
but when she isn't here we’re both so glad,
because, at times, she makes our homelife hell.

We don’t see much of her, just now and then,
but when she comes, she’s miserable and cries
an awful lot. My husband always tries
to make her laugh, and be like me again.
It works, and then we both show her the door.
Peace and contentment rules the roost once more.