Jayne, I got what you were going for, I think, and I enjoyed the way you mislead the reader at first about what the other woman really is. I still feel your final couplet isn't as good as it could be. I tried a slightly different take on it:
We don't know how this works, but when it does,
we both prefer this me to what I was.
Anyway, I think you can still do better than the current version of the final couplet.
Susan
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