[James Brancheau]

Hello again, John. I’m surprised that this hasn’t received more attention. But it hasn’t exactly been jumping around here. So there’s that. Anyway, I’m still stabbing in the dark as far as what the poem is more specifically about. Maybe it isn’t supposed to be all that specific. I looked at the revised section to see if that would give me more of an idea. Since you added “together,” I’m thinking that it concerns something beneath the surface regarding the relationship. (And of course “diving in” to something together could be suggestive...) Then there’s the extended reference to the book and I have to think that that has something to do with what’s going on in the poem. You are away from home, and of course there’s the character of the daughter who left home for a while, and the other character that speaker of this poem assumes will never leave home. And they are vacationing at what used to be part of a boy’s camp (so, again, leaving home shows up). I mention these things just to let you know how I’m trying to put things together and hopefully my thought process will be helpful in some way. Or maybe I’m just being thick. Would love to see what others see in this. Empty nest syndrome comes to mind, but that is, of course, a wild guess.

I do really like the poem. The description of the room is excellent and puts me right there. (I know such places quite well.) I like that you end the poem on “turn” now. (And I think leaves are more likely to be another color if they are still on the trees. I miss autumn…) And it seems to me that “turn” is a great word to close on, even if I’m unsure of exactly what’s going on. I also like the touch of music that’s in the poem. It’s there, almost beneath the surface, like some of the other wonderful descriptions in the poem.

So, in the end, my thinking is that this might need a nudge* towards clarifying the speaker’s situation. Could be as simple as another title (I don’t mind your current title—just saying). In any case, this was a real pleasure to read.


*Note: I’d like to stress nudge. I don’t think that it should be too explicit either, as that would be inconsistent with the poem, and probably (I’m assuming) the situation.