Hi, Jim—
I like the new direction you chose. Here are a couple of suggestions to consider for spots that I think might benefit from a bit more tweakage:
S2: I lie awake and scheme them, / fall asleep to dream them.
S10: I gladly bear them like an affliction, / suffer madly their addiction.
S11: I think I hear them softly sing to me./ I sing back in a tortured, plaintive key.
Your poem is developing beautifully, Jim!
Glenn
Last edited by Glenn Wright; 02-10-2025 at 11:48 AM.
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