The clever rhymes and (as has been pointed out) the strike-outs bring a lot of fun here.
I'm not sure the form helps. Repetends are, after all, repetitions, and the poem's repeating itself flies in the face of some of the advice it's giving. Would striking out the repetends add fun? Would it then become a criticism of the form, which wouldn't be of much interest to anyone other than poets who write in repeating forms?
The poem seems to have two complaints: poets' self-centeredness and their verbosity. That seems to imply that the two faults tend to occur together. Is that so? If the poem makes that case, I'm missing it.
(Leaving entire drafts up might be particularly helpful in this case. First coming to this after a revision, I had to read comments to be certain that the strike-outs were meant as part of the poem.)
FWIW.
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