Rick, I agree with Alex that using "domain" as a rhyme in S4L1 is disappointing. What about something like "is outside the frame"? There is a literal frame to the painting, but it works at the symbolic level, too. In S5L1 your end punctuation looks like a mistake. I can't make much sense of S5L2. It seems very abstract, but I think you get more bang for your buck from images. I like the idea of death on a racetrack, and the "clockwise" seems apt. Perhaps you can do even more with the idea of the racetrack resembling a clock.
Susan
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