Hi Elyjah,
Many thanks for the great critique, you've given me a lot to think about. There is a lot to respond to, but needless to say I found all of your comments helpful. I'm really not that clever in some of the word choices, but it's interesting to hear your interpretation. Cherry picking a few of your points below:
On the colloquial point I definitely aim for common and simple vernacular in my poetry, it's intentional for better or worse.
On 'husked' I see a connection between the word 'husk' and 'moon' (husked moon, although I'm not sure such a thing exists). Husk is also less obvious than some of the word choices I was using before and adds an element of colour and ambiguity to the line that I like. I also see a connection between it and the next line, in that the sea is pared back. That being said I hadn't thought of the fact that I was introducing a new theme to the poem, so I appreciate you pointing that out. Keeping the overall picture cohesive is a great idea that I hadn't considered.
In reply to your comments about 'at night' and 'swelling, only to recede' I would call those rhythmic additions. On the latter the hope was to invoke the subject's heart (or emotion, or love) swelling, and then inevitably being pulled back into it's place.
And on 'it's' that's a British grammatical rule, and I can't seem to stop writing it that way. I get nailed on it poem after poem, thanks for pointing it out.
I'll wrap up my reply there, but thanks again for taking some time with this one.
Nick
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