Did you intend "rattled" to be a pun on rattlesnake? I couldn't help but think of it that way, but it struck me as a distraction and out of place given the overall tenor of the poem.
L6 suggestion: "I'm searching for a salve to numb", and maybe in L8 change "still" to "and".
Last edited by Roger Slater; 02-13-2025 at 07:02 PM.
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