Hi Glenn.
I changed S3L3 to make the meaning clearer.
I think it rather achieves the opposite.
Perhaps there's a compromise?
She was “BBD—billed before delivery."
“INS —(an) inspection will determine"
I mark her file “LSS—long, sad story."
No sure about fighting (it's an improvement, but I still think there may be better ... and perhaps 'grandmother' for older woman? Something to put just a little flesh on the bones. Similarly, woman and angry man.)
In my small way, I glimpse how God must feel,
Again, better ... but, perhaps phrased as a question? "Oftimes I wonder if this is how God feels"
I'm not sure that priest is doing enough in L1, there aren't really any confessions in the poem (and do they answer in the same way that Solomon did, and that people expect God to?) Perhaps a mundane detail about where this takes place?
RG.
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