Thread: Tied to the Sea
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Unread 02-19-2025, 10:14 AM
Matt Q Matt Q is offline
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I think this is really good, Jan. The imagery is strong throughout, the word choices too, and the personification is very well done. The poem pulls me in, and holds my attention. The close is strong, too. I only really have some small points.

Because S1 seems punctuated as a list, I'm not sure if it's just the gulls that seem surprised to be awake, or if that opening clause applies to the fish and shags too. The latter is how reads, but if the former, I'd put a full stop at the end of S1L2 and avoid the comma splice.

In S2, I'd suggest hyphenating "dimple-dances" for clarity. "pastel-edged" in S3, too.

In S3, I take it "Bill Poster" is a sort of personification, as if all bill posts were put up by someone with that name. I'm a bit on the fence about how well this works in context. It's maybe more comic than the rest of the poem. Anyway, it stuck out.

In the final line, I did wonder a little if there might be alternatives to "done", not sure if I can say why and I don't have suggestions.

best,

Matt
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