Hi Jim,
like the new title and much of the revision, but some individual words (begged and bullied primarily) could be stronger.
and hid ambition 'neath a sheepish skin ?
(wiles, after wolf, seems too predictable somehow.)
I begged like herbivores in petting zoos
Just can't see a 'wolf' begging (it's an ego thing)
then cooked the books and, spiteful, settled scores.
Same thing, it doesn't seem like something a wolf would say/admit to (but they'd doubtless do. Perhaps they'd see it as 'bent the rules'?)
I waived the great ungrateful weight of guilt
Wondered about 'swerved the great ...' ?
I never thought I wore a greed much odd
but, just in case, I ask forgiveness, God.
I like it, but would a wolf be asking?
but, just in case, what price forgiveness, God? ?
Dare one mention the T word?
RG
|