Hi, Alex—
I’m glad you enjoyed this poem.
I made some adjustments to reduce the number of end-stopped lines. Hopefully it now seems a bit less constipated. I also thought that your advice to minimize first-person references to the N was good, so I made a few more adjustments to do so.
I was sorry to lose “vacuums,” since it seems to me to precisely describe the way my dog processes clumps of clover and those places that dogs seem to use as olfactory message boards. After some consideration, though, I decided that the image was at odds with the natural scene.
Thanks for your detailed, generous analysis and your useful suggestions.
Glenn
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