Hi Simon,
enjoyed the conceit.
Perhaps add the name and age of the child to the title? THOR, by X age Y.
No problem with pins/legs (though perhaps switch the order for better clarity, His legs, barely pins, ...?)
Wondered about Miöllnir instead of his giant hammer?
Get a bit lost at 9-10, are you saying that the eyes are as enormous as the horns?
I found "No, look again" intrusive, an injunction the reader cannot obey. Perhaps On second glance they ...
RG.
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