Hi Simon.
As to using mjolnir, am I wrong to think of that as sort of an expert's word?
I think you might be (and it looks harder to pronounce than it is.)
(do they use that word in the Marvel movies? I'll never know unless you tell me...).
I'm fairly certain they would have used it in the first Thor film (wasn't there a character who was an expert in Norse mythology?)
Not meaning to be snarky,
No, no, snark away.
is there some way to clarify this: "as enormous as the horns"?
I think my issue is that its not something one might readily visualise. Perhaps adding something like 'improbably' might help the reader?
His empty eyes are circles too, without thought, improbably
large, as enormous as the horns thrusting skyward from his helmet.
or even
His empty eyes are massive circles too, without thought,
as enormous as the ...
I guess I think of this poem as speaker talking to himself about what he sees
Ah, to me it felt like the poet was talking to the reader. Perhaps 'wait a minute'?
RG.
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