Hi Simon,
I once read a music review that called Eminem the greatest wordsmith of our time (quite a few years ago now.). Snoop Dog is becoming the face of the National Football League. In addition to that I think they write more interesting stuff than most of the most highly rated lit mags publish. I go to sleep trying to read The Missouri Review, The Georgia Review, et al.
That said, of the rappers, I like Harry Mack, just for his immense talent in improvising. Check him out on YouTube. He is extraordinary.
I've posted a new version of this poem that so far only you out of some sense of charity have shown interest in. I've tried to respond to some more of your advice and have changed the line structure so that it reads more easily given that the pauses built in before may not have been warranted by the light treatment I give the subject. I'm not trying to prompt another response from you so please don't respond again unless you feel compelled to do so. Thanks for sharing your ideas. Much appreciated.
Jim
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