Hi Trevor--Jim has said pretty much what I might've said. To go slightly further on his thoughts about stanza 3, I really found myself craving more of a narrative thrust or trajectory to the poem as a whole. Although 3 is shorter than the others, I found putting the 3 stanzas in any order really wouldn't change the poem much. Maybe that's fine (like a ghazal...), but I did feel I wanted to go somewhere.
One other thing: "tucked" doesn't seem right to me, since there's nothing cozy about pigeons' existence in our cities. Squeezed? Crammed?
Cheers,
--Simon
Last edited by Simon Hunt; 02-26-2025 at 12:25 PM.
Reason: am doofus
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