Hello, Mark,
This piece masterfully contrasts the gritty elegance of classic noir with the spectacle of modern superhero films, filtered through the voice of an older narrator sharing the experience with their son. The sonnet form works well, and your language choices and syntax effectively establish both the nostalgic appreciation for old Hollywood and the playful disdain for contemporary cinema.
Your imagery is particularly strong—chiaroscuro blinds, shadows black as 1940s blood, and the stark contrast with bouncing spandex arseholes and flying clowns make for a vivid and engaging read.
One possible tweak: shifting The End to the poem’s actual closing might reinforce the structural mirroring of classic films, enhancing the nostalgic effect. Perhaps something like:
A big shot shot – you're cradled in my arms –
cue sirens wailing. I'm tired now, son.
Nudge me when these flying clowns are done.
......................................'The End'.
(If preserving rhyme and meter is the priority, perhaps something like: "A kingpin’s shot – you're with me that weekend.")
Overall, this is a remarkably polished piece that captures so much in a compact form. The voice is authentic, the contrasts are meaningful, and the emotional core resonates strongly.
Good luck with this, Mark!
Cheers,
...Alex