Hello, Jayne,
Thanks for weighing in with your take. I understand your point about the lighting possibly seeming irrelevant to the scenario.
In my vision for the poem, the "flickering lights through haze" serves multiple purposes - it creates the atmospheric setting where sweat might lead to blurred/hazy vision, it suggests the disorienting sensory experience during intense exertion ... The haze represents both the physical state of the protagonist and the atmosphere of the environment.
In such a minimal poem, I'm trying to make every word carry multiple layers of meaning. The rhyme scheme certainly guides some choices, but I believe the imagery of flickering light cutting through haze adds an important visual dimension to the physical experience being described.
I appreciate your thoughtful reading and suggestions!
Cheers,
...Alex
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