Hello, Matt,
This is elegantly simple yet deeply resonant—your pacing and flow feel effortless, and the understated emotional weight lands beautifully.
One thing that gave me pause was "a thing of wonder" in the first stanza. While I understand the contrast between snow's beauty and its ordinariness, “wonder” feels unearned at that moment—especially since snow is so commonplace.
That said, I don’t think "wonder" should be discarded outright—rather, I wonder if it would better serve the poem later, in place of "childhood snow" in the last stanza. Swapping “wonder” and “childhood” between the first and last stanzas could heighten the narrative progression:
- In the opening, "childhood snow" could subtly foreshadow nostalgia, adding an early hint of personal connection.
- In the closing, replacing “childhood snow” with "a thing of wonder" would make the realization more poignant—it has been earned through the journey of the poem, especially with the mother’s presence adding layers of memory and reflection.
Additionally, placing both "childhood" and "mother" in the last stanza feels a bit heavy-handed—as if both revelations arrive at once. Letting "childhood" enter the poem earlier makes the ending feel more balanced and naturally unfolding, rather than stacking both emotional cues in the final lines.
Just a thought! Regardless, this is a beautifully crafted poem.
Cheers,
...Alex