[Trevor Conway]

Hi Jan,

I enjoyed some phrases here, such as the tremors of tree-speech, the wave of sound that spoke in centuries and capillaries squeezed down. As regards what the poem is about, I'm not sure if I got it all, but it seemed to be about a character who lived in nature, then was attacked and killed by a mob. Overall, I think the language isn't engaging enough. One aspect of it is the repetition of "he". I think you could make the language more fragmented, and maybe you could add some stanza breaks to give more of a sense of development.

I don't think there's any need to give the title again as the first line of the poem.

Some specific feedback below. I hope it helps.

All the best,

Trevor

Desdichado, [bold = suggested deletion]

He dreamed of trees beyond the dreams of night. [The dreams of night sounds stage-poetic to me]
He clawed hungry hands deep into the tilth. [Any better alternative to hungry?]
He imagined moisture and nutrient[s]
slug-sucking up through his nails, and finger joints.

[Stanza break]

He fed on decay and on rotting self.
Inexorably slow-drawn up to the sun
he stood tall, firmly rooted to the ground. [,]
He strained to feel the tremors of tree-speech,
that [a] deep wave of sound that spoke in centuries.

[Stanza break]

His toes clawed and twisted into the soil.
He felt glorious.
[as] The people gathered[,] and circled round him[.]
[T]hey poked and prodded,
then jealous of the man’s serenity[.]
[T]hey struck him
and struck again and again.
[until his c]apillaries squeezed down,
shrank down,
choking into die-back. [into the depths of his flesh].
He felt his grip on [the] ground begin to break.
He [and] fell into [the] clear[.] -fall
where nothing lived.