Hi, Matt,
I haven't read anyone else's comments so forgive me if I repeat previous comments.
First, I like this poem a lot. The atmosphere it creates is palpably somber, and I feel that, as the poem moves along, the "room" of the poem grows increasingly darker. This is such a wonderful poem.
My only thought is that the poem sets up an expectation in S1 for true rhyme throughout. I can, and would like to, make a case that the movement toward near-rhyme is a function of the poem, showcasing that communication between the two personas in the poem is imperfect. And if I were teaching this poem to my lit class, that's exactly what I would say about this poem.
So, while I do think that setting up the poem as you do in S1 might be a liability, I think the grace and deftness of this poem overcomes that.
Thank you so much for posting this.
A. B.
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