[James Midgley]

Hi Alex,

Some really quick thoughts from me.

The tone is working really well for this reader. I enjoyed the apostrophic raptures -- O wild West Wind and so on.

I had some trouble getting to the bottom of some of the phrases --

'She wields her clouds / as they will her'

and likewise 'going minimal ... huge' and 'hands flashing ... sky'.

I think some of those phrases could be nixed for clarity and forward-momentum.

You might also look at tightening S2 to something more like 'She watches / their to-and-fro rub and blush / across the sky'. I know you lose the question of to whom the blushing belongs / that ambiguity, but I sense some more economy can be introduced here. The ambiguity could perhaps be maintained in something like 'to-and-fro rub and blushes / across the sky'.

The introduction of the lover feels simply and plainly told but also somewhat abrupt.

The mostly italicised strophes are a lot of fun. I'd be hard-pressed to explain what the 'throes / of your contraptions' is up to. Are the switches, and the preceding, meant to refer obliquely, also, to erotic accoutrements?

The final strophe feels a like a bit of an anticlimactic (heh) step back into a more contemplative tone. I'm not sure how much I enjoy the step into reflective statement and abstraction to close this poem.

Enjoyed it. Thanks for posting and I hope these rather quickfire comments are of use.