Hello, James,
Your revised "Hallucinations of the Knife" shows thoughtful progress. The streamlined indented section, clearer transitions, and tighter language create a more navigable journey while preserving the dreamlike quality that makes this poem distinctive.
Particularly effective are the "rust bloomed on its seeing surface" and "scabbard of breath" images, and the new questioning about blame adds philosophical depth. The revised ending creates an intriguing tension around agency.
I still wonder if the indented section might benefit from further pruning, though not elimination. Consider also whether the final lines' negations ("didn't think," "couldn't") might be clarified to strengthen your closing statement.
This revision successfully balances surrealism with accessibility - a challenging feat you've handled well.
Cheers,
…Alex
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