Hello, James,
Thanks for your thoughtful feedback! Your observations about tone and the apostrophic moments are encouraging.
You've pinpointed several areas that need clarity – particularly, portions of the descriptive passages. You're right about stanza 2; your suggestion for economy there, while preserving the essential image, is spot-on.
The lover's introduction is abrupt - intentionally so, but perhaps too jarring.
Your point about the final stanza is well-taken. It does shift into a more contemplative mode that might undercut the energy built throughout. I'll reconsider how to maintain momentum through the ending.
These comments are extremely helpful – thanks, James, for engaging with the poem so thoughtfully!
Cheers,
…Alex
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