Hi Jim,
version 3 feels perilously close to done.
Not sure about the climb/sublime rhyme (had me looking for others which distracted unnecessarily.)
Perhaps 'still' instead of 'then (S2/L2)?
Do you really need S3? The examples aren't that interesting (in that they feel quite generic) and leaving a void might offer the reader a space to fill in for themselves.
RG.
|