Hi, Richard—
This is charming. I like your effective use of onomatopoeia to help the readers sink their teeth (or more appropriately, Wellingtons) into the puddle.
My main suggestion would be to work on the rhymes in the even numbered lines. Near-rhymes like “back/slap” and “doubt/thought” are fine, but “sploshed/bus” (especially at the start of the piece) and “depths/zenith” are too distant from each other to reinforce the cheerful, ballad-like structure.
The rhythm in S1 and S2 seems a bit off, too. You might improve the rhyme here, too, with something like:
Can you remember when it was,
your last colossal splosh?
Not some annoying ankle bath
whilst running for the bus.
I enjoyed this heart-warming evocation of childish enthusiasm for life.
Glenn
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