Hi, Mark—
Skillfully done. It reminds me of Noyes’s “The Highwayman.”
Other than providing the name of the sheepdog, S5 doesn’t seem to be pulling its weight. Could you cut it and give the dog’s name in S10L4 with a change like this?
As his dog beside him lay. > Where Brin, his sheepdog, lay.
I agree with Joe that the ending could benefit from some tweakage. The last line is a bit unclear because the present tense verb could imply that the sheep wandering free today could be the cause of the ghostly dog howl. Maybe something like this:
For the sheep are roaming free. > Whose sheep were roaming free.
I agree with Richard that the single kiss in fun is not a convincing motive for suicide. Could you make her less mercenary and more committed to the shepherd? Could you make the rich man’s son more villainous?
Hope this is helpful.
Glenn
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