Hi Mark,
I'm with Susan. It's great as is and seems perfect for the purpose it is meant to serve. If you want to polish it and right think it later for publication purposes then you may want to examine it more closely then. This is so much better than the poems written by relatives that get read aloud at weddings and other special occasions that your niece will be proud to read it and the listeners will be glad to hear it and not just roll their eyes all the way through.
All the best,
Jim
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