Yves,
When a word rhymes with nothing it cannot be said to be rhyme driven. ‘Commodities’ is the right word on the right place neither rhyme driven nor filler. Ruptured syntax is not necessarily a failing it is often used as a tool.
If what I have posted is technically inept please have at it. If what I have posted has failings of any kind please have at it. Considered criticism is the lifeblood of this place it helps both poem and poet grow. I used to post in the Deep End in the early days when Alan Sullivan was still alive and got torn a new one with depressing regularity. He was a hard, but not harsh, critic who never stooped to the ad hom. Please do not hold back.
The last three lines are the counterpoint and were crafted as such. It is a sonnet the sestet is where the punch will generally lie.
You are so right Jim The Second Coming can be seen to be quite vatic. With heightening polarity throughout the world “ the centre cannot hold” and the centre is where tolerance, compassion and wisdom lie. There are similarities in Yeats’ time and today.
My thanks to you both
Jan
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