Hi, Michael—
You present an evocative picture of a weatherbeaten ruin. The N speculates about the people who might have lived there and done battle with the elements, but merely concludes, “What happened here?” This struck me as anticlimactic. I wanted an answer to that question, even if it was only a rumor or legend. But maybe that simply isn’t the poem you wanted to write.
I wondered what the “false beacons” were. Did they pretend to be distressed vessels in order to lure other fishermen onto the rocks and attack them as the falcons attack the rabbits? The “plum bushes” puzzled me, too. I usually think of plums growing on trees. Are these stunted by the salt spray?
I like the personification of snow dancing “meanly” through the cracks in the wall, but thought the wind would be more likely to “freeze the marrow of cold and unloved” bones rather than “lives.” I’m also having difficulty visualizing “gray” fire, unless you mean that it is very smoky so the actual orange flames can’t be seen.
Hope my responses are helpful.
Glenn
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