Hi Jim,
The revisions are great. I've just noticed a couple more tiny nits in S2:
In L2 you have but journeyed then... and in L4 and think then of... To my ear, the syntax should be the same, as in: "and then think of"... although it might be even better to lose the 2nd "then", perhaps something like:
to time now gone, and recollect
the thing I loved the most when young:
And maybe pluralise L5: "the things I loved the most when young", as S3 follows with a long list of what the N loves.
I hope it helps.
Jayne
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