Hi Alex,
not sure 'bespeckles' fits the noir mood (similarly 'beau') and the end stutters a bit too much for me.
S1, perhaps 'shuffles' for 'steps out' - do you need girl? (Hardly Chandleresque, is it?)
S2, other than echoing the /aɪ/ of 'spider', what purpose is 'wide' serving'
S3, 'slowed' (maybe, his head bowed?)
S4, 'Ahead' seems to be filler. And wouldn't the height of a T-birds hood make reclining either awkward or ridiculous? And is reclining the right word anyway?
RG.
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