Hey Glenn,
Thanks for your feedback on this and on the pattern in the poems I'm posting (which are geared towards a collection on science and nature). Good to know that the detached style works for you in this context.
You may well be right about the plural of colobus, but "colobuses" sounds off to me, and maybe "colubi" too. I'm pretty sure the nature documentary I used as inspiration had David Attenborough referring to them as "colobus" in plural. I'll give it some thought, anyway. Same goes for "tacit".
Thanks again.
Trevor
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glenn Wright
Hi, Trev—
I’m detecting a pattern in your poetry that reminds me of Ted Hughes’s painstaking studies of animals. I saw it in your poem about wildebeests, “The Crossing,” and in this one about primates. I like your detached, scientific presentation of the attack, almost like a wildlife biologist’s field notes.
Two small nits:
1. In S2L1 and S3L2 you use “colobus” as the plural form of “colobus.” I checked, and the plural forms are either “colobuses” or “colubi” (The second form being more appropriate for scientific writing.)
2. In S4L4 is “tacit” the best word? “Tacit” means “implied or unstated,” so the fact that the cries are audible makes it questionable. Do their cries “encourage the ambush” or maybe “applaud the performance?”
Nice work!
Glenn
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