Hi Mark,
S14 is a good addition, but the poem feels a little too long now.
You might (re)consider cutting the first three verses, they set this up as a ghost story (and it's more a simple tragedy with a ghostly coda) and you'd lose the pantomime 'boys and girls' (how comfortable is a fifteen year old going to be saying that line?) Besides it's rather at odds with a tale of rape, death and suicide.
I'd have liked the refrain to do more work.
The 'eclipse' line is a bit of a metrical mouthful.
Any alternative to the repetition of 'hear' in the final two verses? And I think the 'Brin's call' line needs some work.
Just a thought for a shorter version.
Brinscall
It's long ago, and long ago
And longer than I can tell,
A shepherd lad once lost his heart
To a pretty milkmaid, Nell.
*
She'd pale white arms and ruby lips,
Her hair was a cloud of smoke
That fell 'cross her face like the moon's eclipse.
Her death a young heart broke.
For once they'd laughed upon the cart
With hay piled to the brim
And he had pledged his faithful heart
And she pledged hers to him.
*
But now those shining days were done
No more o' that springtime revel,
For Nell had met a rich man's son
Who was worse than the very devil.
He'd promised perfumes sent from France
And the finest satin dress.
In him, Nell spied her fleeting chance
At life and happiness.
*
Then, in a hayloft, wet with sweat
He'd shown her his true face
And before the sun began to set
He'd took her in disgrace.
He left without a backward glance
On horseback from the town.
No perfumes did he send to her
And not one satin gown,
*
In time a child within her grew
And she hid herself inside.
Then weeeping like the morning dew
Her mam said, "Nell has died."
And it's long ago, and long ago
And longer than I can tell,
The shepherd muttered in the snow
"I'm off to be with Nell".
*
And he walked the path to Winter Hill
And found himself a tree
And hanged himself in the bitter chill
Of pain and misery.
They say on wintry moonless nights
When no one is around,
Far from the twinkling village lights
You'll hear a mournful sound.
It's Brin the sheepdog that you hear.
For the sheep are roaming free.
He's calling for his master dear
It's Brin's call by that tree.
(I know, the morning dew line is pretty bad, but you get the idea.)
RG.
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