Hello, Jim,
This has the feel of an elaborated riddle poem, or perhaps a list poem in disguise—there’s a kind of elliptical tension to it. While I’m not entirely sure where It leading... It seems fun!
A couple of things to consider:
- S4L2 is distracting with the lowercase 'just' after a period--which might be it's own sentence or might be the continuation of the previous sentence. It might be clearer either fully capitalized or rewritten to more clearly continue the sentence.
- The title, “The New Girl In Town,” feels a bit too disconnected from the piece’s tone and content. If the intent is metaphorical, maybe look for a title that hints more clearly at the poem’s exploration of technological seduction or transformation. A more suggestive title might help orient the reader and strengthen the impact.
All in all, it's fun its puzzle-making. Good luck with this, Jim!
Cheers,
...Alex