Hello, Jan,
Without Eliot in the title, this would be deliciously disorienting in a postmodern way. With the title, the allusions fall more clearly into place: I can see how this channels Eliot—through its collage-like assembly of images, its open-ended transcendental gestures, and the occasional foreign phrase used with evocative ambiguity.
I’m not always sure where it’s coming from or where it’s headed—but it’s a fascinating landscape of canonical, philosophical, and mythic reference.
That said, I wonder whether the poem might benefit from a stronger connective thread—either thematically or narratively—between the stanzas. Could there be more connectedness in the progression of the stanza and/or a more discernible commonality amongst them? As it stands, the poem risks making the reader reach for threads of meaning that might not have been intended to exist. Some added cohesion or intentional anchoring could clarify its aims without diluting its mystery.
Still, I found it both compelling and challenging—an evocative journey with plenty to admire. Good luck with this, Jan!
Cheers,
...Alex
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