Hi,
Alex—
Thanks for your comments, Alex. I agree that the poem would benefit from some attention to choosing more interesting diction and fresh imagery. I think there might be a misunderstanding, though, on the meter. This one was deliberately written in tetrameter.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Pepple
On the meter: it’s currently quite uneven. While the poem leans toward iambic pentameter, the stress patterns vary significantly, which makes it difficult to find a consistent rhythmic footing. You might consider whether the poem could be restructured into iambic tetrameter, which might allow for tighter control and a more natural narrative cadence.
This is a crown of sonnets in iambic tetrameter, like Shakespeare’s “Sonnet 145.”
In the SHALlow CLEFT of the DELicate CHIN
and aROUND the CORners OF the EYES,
the PROOF she beLONGED to my SORry KIN
was THERE to SEE as she ATE her FRIES. . ..
I think the tetrameter is consistent throughout. If you see any lines that are not tetrameter, I would appreciate you letting me know.
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I appreciate your encouragement and useful suggestions. I’ll give more thought to the figurative language.
Glenn