Thank you all for looking in—and for continuing to look in! I’ve now posted a second revision, which I hope reads even better.
Richard, I appreciate you revisiting the piece. You’ve made a great point about "glare," and you reminded me why I went with it in the first place—it works not just for the reflective light meaning, but also the fixed, confrontational/glaring look. Indeed, both senses apply in this context, with the latter more so. Thank you also the thoughtful feedback on other aspects of the revision!
Julie, your perspective brings a fresh and important lens I hadn’t considered. That "ma’am"/"miss" detail is indeed a nuance to be mindful of. It’s incredibly helpful. Thank you for engaging with the poem in such a meaningful way!
Thanks again to everyone. I hope the new version is an improvement.
Cheers,
—Alex
|