[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Trevor—

Three responses:
1. You’re presenting information that resists poetic treatment. (I recognize this problem because I often find myself doing the same thing.). I can’t help but feel that this is a poem that really wants to be a piece of creative nonfiction.
2. Wasn’t agriculture what allowed hunters and gatherers to adopt a much more comfortable life in permanent settlements, amassing possessions, storing food, increasing their lifespans, domesticating animals, developing civilizations? It’s hard for me to see the dark side of wheat cultivation.
3. The last stanza seems “tacked on,” like the “moral” of a public service announcement.

Your thesis, that advancements in agriculture have led to human unhappiness, could be the nucleus of an interesting piece of prose nonfiction. Convince me that gluten is poison, that sedentary lifestyles lead to diseases not found in hunter-gatherer or pastoral societies, that domestication of animals leads to zoonotic diseases and a less healthy diet, that the Bible recommends living in tents and keeping flocks. I just don’t think a poem is the right vehicle for it, nor does it give you the space you need to develop your supporting evidence.

Hope this is helpful—

Glenn