Quote:
Originally Posted by David Callin
the rhyming - intentional or not - of "numb" and "dumb" - takes me out of the flow of the poem. Maybe I just need to live with it a little while longer.
Cheers
David
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I'm often dumfounded (slight pun there) at what takes one "out of the flow" of poem. It's almost always a matter of taste — like wallpaper or the way the furniture in the room is arranged. Sometimes it can't be changed without losing something that is uniquely poetic to that poet. Just wanted to mention it.
There is another rhyme that occurs in the identical way in the poem:
There he was, an explorer lost
and small, stranded on an island
in the gloss of the empty mall
beside our stained paper bags
That's not to say that I don't experience remorse at having "arranged" a poem in a certain way only to come back and cringe at my word choice : ). I do. With shocking regularity. It's as if my ghost-muse is taunting me to say something in a way I will regret — ha!
James, the poem is a wonderful example of where poetry is found — which is pretty much everywhere — waiting for you.
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