Hi Glenn,
Thanks for your take on this. Yes, it's hard to work it into poetic form, but I'm going to give it my best shot and see what happens anyway. I don't disagree with agriculture in general or even wheat cultivation. I guess I just wanted to present the success story that is wheat, and maybe I over-egged the negative effects on humans, so I'll look into that, maybe deleting the 5th stanza (and possibly the 6th for the reason you pointed out).
Very helpful, indeed, Glenn. Thanks very much for taking the time to think it through and express your thoughts so clearly.
All the best,
Trev
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glenn Wright
Hi, Trevor—
Three responses:
1. You’re presenting information that resists poetic treatment. (I recognize this problem because I often find myself doing the same thing.). I can’t help but feel that this is a poem that really wants to be a piece of creative nonfiction.
2. Wasn’t agriculture what allowed hunters and gatherers to adopt a much more comfortable life in permanent settlements, amassing possessions, storing food, increasing their lifespans, domesticating animals, developing civilizations? It’s hard for me to see the dark side of wheat cultivation.
3. The last stanza seems “tacked on,” like the “moral” of a public service announcement.
Your thesis, that advancements in agriculture have led to human unhappiness, could be the nucleus of an interesting piece of prose nonfiction. Convince me that gluten is poison, that sedentary lifestyles lead to diseases not found in hunter-gatherer or pastoral societies, that domestication of animals leads to zoonotic diseases and a less healthy diet, that the Bible recommends living in tents and keeping flocks. I just don’t think a poem is the right vehicle for it, nor does it give you the space you need to develop your supporting evidence.
Hope this is helpful—
Glenn
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