Alex, it is useful to hear your take on the rhymes and meter. I need to hear what is not working for some, though I prefer the more varied meter. I don't know how to evoke a paradox ("scents that smart") without risking the possibility that some readers will think the "smart" is there for the rhyme. Since I am trying to suggest an over-the-top reaction, I think I will accept the possibility that not everyone will take it the same way.
Susan
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