Hello again Alex
I know the basic rules behind a sestina, but haven’t really read enough of them to be able to say what counts as a good sestina. The repetition of the same six line-end words is clearly going to encourage a sense of circling a single issue but I feel there still needs to be some sort of plot, progression, insight, story-telling. In your sestina, the stanza order could be rearranged and it wouldn’t make a big difference (apart from breaking the rules that prescribe the line-ending word order). I would like to come away with a sense of having learned something, but what I’m getting is slightly different angles on the same view. The line-end words seem to be being used the same way each time.
The poem references the Grand Canyon and the Rio Grande and does teeter over in to the grandiose. It feels a little ponderous. I think using “Time” as a repetend may have something to do with that. Your use of the word is always with a capital T. You might try other meanings (lunch-time) or try enjambing it eg ….It's time/ I was gone or somesuch.
My favourite line was S4L2 “Its waters grinding at the teeth of time.”
My least favourite was S2L6 “Into vertigo’s maw with loss of time”. “Maw” felt rather gothic and over-the-top. And “with loss of time” seemed to be a bolted on non-sequitur.
Other nits. Several lines S2L3, S3L2 and S7L2 began with an unnecessary “As” and would read better to me if you deleted them. And I found it difficult to imagine a mesa genuflecting S6L3.
Having said all that. I do like the mood of the thing and many of its images.
Joe
|