Thanks for returning to this, Joe, with such in-depth critique—it’s much appreciated.
And thank you, Hilary, for your helpful comments and suggestions.
So, that makes two votes against “genuflect”! It’s one of my favorite images in the piece, but as they say, sometimes you have to kill your darlings.
I’ve now revised the poem to address several of the concerns raised. I’ve also worked on softening the impact of the repetends and relaxing the diction in places. Hopefully this new version flows more naturally and reads more effectively.
Looking forward to your thoughts!
Cheers,
—Alex
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