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Another small step
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04-03-2025, 09:56 AM
Max Goodman
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Sunnyvale, CA
Posts: 2,392
Charming.
Punchier rhymes would better support it. It would be unreasonable to expect cathedral/procedural-level brilliance at every couplet, but about half of the rhymes don't hit my ear as rhymes at all, which undercuts the poem for me.
FWIW.
Max Goodman
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