Hi John,
this one isn't working, for me.
It's a great, arresting opening line, though it might work a bit better if reversed.
One fading summer afternoon I went with Dale Stack to drown a cat.
P2. It feels like a change of tense here. Given the opening why isn't it 'I was sitting on ... '?
P3. Why is this a separate paragraph?
It reads like an adult recalling a memory (and why would N be expected to find comfort with 'an old man ...'?
P4. The opening of this doesn't make much sense. How does one walk tall onto a tree trunk?
It feels like the preamble to a story. You've set the scene, now what?
RG.
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