Hello, Hilary,
This reads really well—rich with detail and nicely paced. The blank verse flows smoothly with its loose iambs, and I especially enjoyed the subtle off-rhymes, which contribute to the dreamlike, slightly surreal tone of the piece.
On the meter: the line “elaborate, thick with thought – of dresser drawers” is the only one that gave me pause rhythmically. You might consider swapping “elaborate” with a metrically cleaner three-syllable synonym like “intricate” or “overwrought,” which could help the rhythm land more naturally.
Also, “shaving in mirrors” struck me as slightly off idiomatically—perhaps “by mirrors” would feel more grounded and conventional, unless “in” is meant to heighten the strangeness, in which case, carry on!
Just a few thoughts—but overall, this is an absorbing and deftly crafted piece. Thanks for the read and the eerie tour, Hilary!
Cheers,
…Alex
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