[Trevor Conway]

Hi John,

Thanks very much for your feedback on this. On first thought, all that you say makes total sense, and I'll look for alternatives.

Cheers,

Trev

Originally Posted by John Boddie

Trevor -

This was a good effort and the presentation of elk in battle is an effective metaphor for life in general.

A few things:
" sick desire " - consider using something more forceful, like "inborn urge" or "primal drive". "Sick desire" sounds like a trivial moral judgement.

Consider dropping " - a sore recollection - " and "bold"

Is there some way to rearrange the close so the "him" isn't confusing?

JB